Nedelja, Decembar 20, 2020
Čovek s' poštanskim markicama
Sećam se momenta kada je ustao sa kreveta, upalio svetlo i iz skromnog, starinskog ormara, izvukao kartonsku kutiju, kao da izvlači kraljevske draguje. Seo je pored mene, onako mršav i visok, u donjem vešu i majici i rekao: Prvo ću ti pokazati svoju omijenu, ima prelep motiv i boje.
I dok je dugim prstima preturao po uredno složenim kovertama punih nekih drangulija, u njegovom pogledu videla sam dečaka koji veruje da je pred njim nešto najvrednije što jedan čovek može da ima.
Izvukao je svezku A4 formata i otvorio je. Na svakoj stranici, izrazito ružnim rukopisom, bili su ispisani nazivi država, a između listova bile su usađene poštanske markice.
Evo je- rekao je uzbuđeno i stavio jednu poštansku markicu na dlan. - Vidi kako je lepa!
Lagaću ako kažem da sam se složila sa njegovim mišljenjem. Ta markica je bia toliko neugladna, da se ni ne sećam imena države na listu kojoj je pripadala. Ali se sećam njegove sreće i oduševljenja, jer deli njenu lepotu samnom.
Rekla sam mu tada: I ja sam ih skupljala, ne zna gde su, ali jako bih želela da se i mojima neko divi tako... Ako ih nađem tvoje su.
To veče sam posle toliko vremena prespavala kraj muškarca koji nije bio moj bivši suprug. Jednostavno sam samo spavala i sanjala da sam kraj čoveka, kraj kojeg spavam. To mi se nikad ranije nije desilo.
Čudno je kad te neko nađe na netu i kaže: znaš moram da ti priznam, da sam uvek bio zaljubljen u tebe, od malena. Još na to se nakalemi i činjenica da je rođen istog dana kada i bivši ti muž, pa ti kroz glavu proleti pitanje da nije možda on bio taj sa kim si trebala da budeš.
Pravi čovek u pogrešno vreme?
Kada sam posle 3 godine razvlačenja pokupila svoje stvari iz podruma kancelarije bivšeg muža, prva stvar koju sam našla, bio je album sa poštanskim markicama.
Pisala sam mu, iako znam da nikad više jedno drugom nećemo pogledati u oči i ponudila ih, jer sam obećala da će biti njegove. Odbio rečenicom da ih dam nekom normalnom. Povredio mi je sujetu... Ko je taj normalan? Može li mene takav da voli? Rekla sam ok, daću ih nekom detetu, tebi ništa neće značiti... Obrisani su brojevi, blokirani kontakti i eto, nema ga, čoveka sa markicama...
I onda, kada sam večeras preturala po zadnjem sedištu svog auta i spremala se da pođem kući, ugledam album izpod zadnjeg sedišta. Sednem u kola i krenem u Dositejevu... Ugasim svetla, polako otvorim vrata i naslonim album na kapiju njegove kuće. Srce mi je lupalo kao ludo, ali sam ipak odlučila da uradim sve to.
"Ostavila sam ti album sa markicama ispred vrata. Želja da ispunim svoju želju bila je jača od svega. Brini se o njima"
"Hvala ti. Ne znam šta da kažem. Brinuću se o njima kao o svojima"
Zamišljam kako svojim dugim prstima prelistava stranice mog albuma. Zamišljam kako se divi svim tim bojama i kako bira kraljicu među mojim markicama. Kako na kraju stavlja nežno album u kutiju i vraća u ormar. Kako leže u krevet i misli da mi je stalo toliko da sam bila spremna da izigravam Robina Huda i da ono śto je moje dam onima kojima to više znači. Kako zamišlja da je normalan...
Čovek sa poštanskim markicama je večeras dobio sva moja nevidljiva pisma, ali ih nikad neće pročitati, jer na svom dlanu on vidi samo šarenilo poštanskih markica, a ne reči koje one nose...
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